Give Us An Amazing Story to Tell!

About 10 years ago I was one of "those" women.  I watched Sex In The City with Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbes, Samantha Jones and Charlotte York once a week, excited to see what new dating and love adventure the ladies would get into.  As a matter of fact, my best friend forever in the entire world ever gifted me with the Sex In The City pink velvet deluxe boxed set one Christmas *insert scream* and I can watch it whenever I want.  Anyways.  I related most to Carrie and always rooted for her to find someone better for her than that damn, Mr. Big.  As a matter of fact, I think I had my own Mr. Big at the time!  Like most single and never been married women Carrie and I have met and dated a good number of men and have plenty of stories to tell for it.  Whether the connection was long lasting, fleeting or simply a bad fit…women have story after story after story of what it is like to date in current times.  If my experience and that of my girls are any indicator, most women have stories that are lackluster simply because the imagination and effort that once went into dating by men has just about vanished.  

Season 6, episode 13 in 2004 titled, "Let There Be Light" introduced us to Carrie dating that deep Russian artist cat, Aleksandr Petrovsky.  'Member him?  Mmmm hmmm.  He was smooth, that Aleksandr!  Wise.  Gentlemanly.  Mysterious.  Cultured.  Worldly.  Impressive.  Now we all know at this time in the series Carrie's flame for Mr. Big flickered ever so slightly despite him marrying another woman, Carrie being his mistress and tearing herself from him to only become his friend again and eventually marry him after he left her at the altar thoroughly embarrassing her in front of New York society and more importantly…her girls.  That's not the point!  The point here is that though their love affair ended, while they were dating The Russian seemed to know how to create special moments and make Carrie feel absolutely...golden.  What woman doesn't want to feel golden?!?  He knew how to date her and fully immerse himself in the the process and completely enjoy himself.  Dig this:  After their first date The Russian was out of touch for a bit and followed up with a short and simple handwritten note he mailed to Carrie's home that simply asked if she wanted to go for a walk with him.  She was tickled (hell, I was tickled!), gushed a little and easily obliged.  They took a leisurely stroll through Central Park for that date, enjoyed the simplicity of one another's company and "Wa-La!"  She had a fantastic dating story to tell her girls over eggs the next time they all got together.

This kind of thing doesn't have to only happen on television or in the movies.  We can have the same experiences that Carrie and 'nem have, dammit!  With that being said  I would like to take this opportunity to invite single men to creatively and enthusiastically date women of interest.  Hell, while I'm at it let me extend that same invitation to men that are married or otherwise committed!  Men!  Be an active dater.  And no need to fret, dating doesn't have to be costly at all, really.  If it does, that woman is likely not the one for you so save yourself the frustration (but that's another blog).  It's the imagination and effort put into the date that makes all the difference.  Keep it simple.  Listen to what she says and go with that to discover what she likes.  Be unconventional.  Put male ego and pride to the side.  Invite her to join you in an experience.  Borrow from the old school and blend it with the new.  Sit with her for a spell and watch the day pass by.  Grab the chance to gaze at the stars and share stories with her.  Ride a ferris wheel.  Catch a sunset.  Paint her toes.  Cook a meal together.  Take her for a bonfire on the beach and tell her to bring the marshmallows.  *scribbling that one down to whisper to my old man*  The possibilities are endless…

Be that gentlemen most women are waiting to happen upon or rediscover.  Date us.  Enthusiastically.  Creatively.  With all great purpose.  Leaving us with a great story to tell!

A Closed Mouth Don't Get Fed!

When is the last time you actually asked for what you want? 

I mean, REALLY asked for what you want?  Not the easy asks that come and go day to day. "May I have some water?" "Would you mind grabbing such and such for me?"  No.  I am talking about the asks that are much harder and those we typically avoid.  You know, those asks that we should be making of our family, our lovers, our close friends and even our employers.  The asks that the mere thought of asking leave us feeling the most vulnerable and the least powerful.  Those asks that we dance around making and eventually lead us to acting out behaviors that are supposed to signify we are unhappy to the person that should be paying the most attention.  Crazy making...

If you are anything like me it is no easy task to find your voice and clearly ask for what you want and wait for that thing to come to fruition.  It is not easy to be fully prepared to accept whatever response comes your way. And it is certainly not easy to respond accordingly…can't forget that.  It is much easier to dance around what needs to be asked and settle with what we get, having made no real attempt to have what we want.  Just keep quiet instead of mustering the courage to find our voice and make a simple ask for what we want.  But is that truly living? 

If we are to be comfortable asking for what we want it's absolutely critical that we rethink ingrained messaging about what it means to ask for what we want.  That subliminal messaging is all around us if someone isn't outright speaking it to us, right?  Myth:  A woman that asks for what she wants from a man she is dating is needy.  Wrong.  She is clear.  Myth:  A relative that asks another relative for support is weak.  Wrong.  That person is resourceful.  Myth: An employee that asks for what he wants from his employer is audacious. Wrong.  He is driven.  Myth:  A friend that asks another friend to stop discouraging her dreams is being sensitive.  Wrong.  That friend is protecting her dreams and is committed.  Myth:  People will disappoint you anyway so save yourself the upset and keep quiet.  Wrong.  The right people will meet you at the point of your need and show up for you if given the chance.  

With all that mess out of the way we can actually imagine practicing asking for what we want.  Here we go:

1.  Get clear…crystal clear…about what you want specifically 

2.  Make your ask of the person at a time and in an environment 

conducive to a serious discussion

3.  Be prepared for whatever response or reaction you get after your ask

4.  Make the necessary adjustment after the response since this 

will be necessary either way

5.  Ask again the next time a need presents itself

Like most of us, there is something in your life you want and are not getting because you haven't asked for it.  And that's not fully living.  It is empowering and liberating when we are honest with ourselves around our needs and wants. When others watch us practicing having what we want some will be inspired and others will feel threatened.  That's fine and no worry of ours.  We do not need permission to have what we want and that's what makes this absolutely doable.  Ya dig?  So!  Let's get to it, good people. What should you be asking for? Like your Mama, Big Mama, Mah Dear, MeMaw and Auntie always say, "A closed mouth don't get fed!" Get.  To. Asking.  

"Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!"  ~Maya Angelou

It's Been A Minute...

Naps with chimes on the balcony…happy!

Shame.  On.  Me!  *hangs head & slumps shoulders*  In January I had this amazing vision to begin a blog about my thoughts…nothing grand and unordinarily special...and I was on a roll, baby!  For about 3 months.  And then I hit a wall.  *s c r e e c h*  My enthusiasm and energy for putting my thoughts into written form just faded from me.  What the hell?!?  I stopped looking for pretty pictures to add to my blogs.  That's the fun part!  Can't tell you the last time I added a quick note to my iPhone to inspire a blog later.  I just could not figure it out but something was definitely missing.  I was not inspired.  Until a little over 100 days ago.

Sunday morning ritual…happy!

My last blog entry at the end of April discussed how I stumbled upon this really fascinating idea floating around Facebook or some other social networking site I frequent.  The idea was to take the next 100 days in your life to find something that made you happy every day for 100 days, take a picture of that something, state the reason why that something made you happy and post it to Facebook or Instagram with the hashtag #becauseimhappy.  

There was just one thing, though.  According to the folks that made this challenge, 71% of the people that attempted the 100 Days of Happy thus far failed to complete the challenge for one simple reason.  They simply did not have time.  To be happy. To stop and acknowledge a little bit of happy in their hectic lives every day for 100 days.  I was up for the challenge though and decided to dive in.  Both feet firmly planted in the notion that every single day there is something to be happy about.  Even in my darkest hour.  

Working with my hands…happy!

Well!  I am happy to say while I was away from this here blog…that so excited me at the start of the year…I was sortofkindawemightaswellsayIwas blogging in another way.  I shared this experience with a few special women on Facebook and am happy to say I am among the 30% of people that took and completed the 100 Days of Happy Challenge.  I even took it a step further and posted my happy for 100 days on Instagram for any and everyone to see.  *side note…type #becauseimhappy on Instagram and you just might run across 1 of my 100 happy posts.  I pushed through those 100 days and here is a little of what I learned about little old me:

Farmers Market loot…happy!

• Seeking happy every single day broadens your perspective of what makes you happy
• Rituals make me happy 
• Unexpected bargains make me happy…WINNING! 
• Watching black men love on their children makes me happy  
• Being brave makes me happy  
• Traveling makes me happy  
• Working with my hands makes me happy 
• Small happies are often the biggest happies 
• Making & keeping a home for people I love makes me happy  
• Taking time for myself makes me happy  
• Watching children play makes me happy 
• It's necessary to squint to see happy when it seems like it's hiding from you & you must keep squinting until you see it  
• Witnessing people be free makes me happy  
• Trying something new for the first time makes me happy  
• Reconnecting with long lost friends & supports makes me happy  

Traveling…happy!

Developing a new habit takes time, especially when you are a grown ass woman.  And effort.  And attention.  But if we stay focused on the task at hand and enjoy the journey along the way, we are better for it.  I'm better for it because now I am able to notice those small happies every single day with very little effort.  Not the typical happies with your man, your money or your food.  I am talking about small happies that offer perspective and leave you marveling that you never noticed such a thing before.  Yep!  That kind of happy.  It's been wonderful for my spirit and certainly has helped decrease the level of stress that easily washes over me day in and day out.  Absolutely positively without a doubt and with great certainty worth the effort.  For 100 days straight.  Get your happy and keep it!  I most certainly will.  #becauseimhappy  

Can you make time for 100 Days of Happy?  
Whenever you are ready...