A Closed Mouth Don't Get Fed!

When is the last time you actually asked for what you want? 

I mean, REALLY asked for what you want?  Not the easy asks that come and go day to day. "May I have some water?" "Would you mind grabbing such and such for me?"  No.  I am talking about the asks that are much harder and those we typically avoid.  You know, those asks that we should be making of our family, our lovers, our close friends and even our employers.  The asks that the mere thought of asking leave us feeling the most vulnerable and the least powerful.  Those asks that we dance around making and eventually lead us to acting out behaviors that are supposed to signify we are unhappy to the person that should be paying the most attention.  Crazy making...

If you are anything like me it is no easy task to find your voice and clearly ask for what you want and wait for that thing to come to fruition.  It is not easy to be fully prepared to accept whatever response comes your way. And it is certainly not easy to respond accordingly…can't forget that.  It is much easier to dance around what needs to be asked and settle with what we get, having made no real attempt to have what we want.  Just keep quiet instead of mustering the courage to find our voice and make a simple ask for what we want.  But is that truly living? 

If we are to be comfortable asking for what we want it's absolutely critical that we rethink ingrained messaging about what it means to ask for what we want.  That subliminal messaging is all around us if someone isn't outright speaking it to us, right?  Myth:  A woman that asks for what she wants from a man she is dating is needy.  Wrong.  She is clear.  Myth:  A relative that asks another relative for support is weak.  Wrong.  That person is resourceful.  Myth: An employee that asks for what he wants from his employer is audacious. Wrong.  He is driven.  Myth:  A friend that asks another friend to stop discouraging her dreams is being sensitive.  Wrong.  That friend is protecting her dreams and is committed.  Myth:  People will disappoint you anyway so save yourself the upset and keep quiet.  Wrong.  The right people will meet you at the point of your need and show up for you if given the chance.  

With all that mess out of the way we can actually imagine practicing asking for what we want.  Here we go:

1.  Get clear…crystal clear…about what you want specifically 

2.  Make your ask of the person at a time and in an environment 

conducive to a serious discussion

3.  Be prepared for whatever response or reaction you get after your ask

4.  Make the necessary adjustment after the response since this 

will be necessary either way

5.  Ask again the next time a need presents itself

Like most of us, there is something in your life you want and are not getting because you haven't asked for it.  And that's not fully living.  It is empowering and liberating when we are honest with ourselves around our needs and wants. When others watch us practicing having what we want some will be inspired and others will feel threatened.  That's fine and no worry of ours.  We do not need permission to have what we want and that's what makes this absolutely doable.  Ya dig?  So!  Let's get to it, good people. What should you be asking for? Like your Mama, Big Mama, Mah Dear, MeMaw and Auntie always say, "A closed mouth don't get fed!" Get.  To. Asking.  

"Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!"  ~Maya Angelou