Namaste. Please & Thank You!

Sitting still and doing nothing has never been easy for me.  My mind is typically racing thinking of alllll I have to do, want to do, need to do, should have done, better do.  It just seems like there is not enough time in the day to get everything done that "seems" important, you know?  My rationale is that checking this and that off my "To Do" list frees me to enjoy life fully so moving consistently is absolutely justified.  The thing is expending all that energy in that way does not leave me feeling settled, a core desired feeling for me for 2014.  *sigh*  With 2014 practically over (What The Hell?!?), I still have plenty of work to do to get me closer to living a more full life.  I found just the thing, too thanks to Oprah and Deepak Chopra.   

21 days ago I decided to join Oprah and Deepak on their 21 Day Meditation Experience.  For 21 days I had the opportunity to practice guided meditation focused on feeling joy, inspired, peace, love, playful, hope, complete and living joy, contentment, kindness, laughter, passion and radiating bliss, grace, being of service and radiating compassion, wisdom, serenity and finally…fulfillment.  Let's be clear, meditation is not an easy thing for me.  Each time I have tried it in the past I left practicing feeling frustrated because it was damn hard!  I could not quiet my mind and felt even MORE stressed with not being able to practice peacefully.  This time around I still struggled with intrusive thoughts during practice but I kept with it.  I'm focused, man!!!

Visualizing and silently repeating the daily mantras helped redirect my thoughts.  Feeling my body literally surrender to the practice with deep cleansing breaths was amazing and encouraging.  The best way to describe the feeling is like sand slowly sifting through a vessel.  With each day that passed along the journey, I actually looked forward to expanding my happy with meditation.  About half way through it became clear to me that I was looking forward to being in a quiet, peaceful, reflective and welcoming space that I created just for me at work and at home.  Now that this part of the journey is over, I am left with a few understandings:    

Taking time for self is not selfish.  It's self affirming.  And necessary.

Sitting still is empowering.  Things can wait.

Quieting the mind is rejuvenating. 

Commitment to a thing is a good thing.  

Getting happy is wonderful.  And expanding happy is amazing!

I am committed to growing more comfortable with meditation by practicing at least once per week.  Finding that sweet spot in between thoughts is now part of my lifelong journey and is definitely worth the effort.  I am determined to have that core feeling of being settled in this lifetime and meditating can only bring me closer to that.  Walking.  Not running.  So eventually I stop and relish in perfect peace beyond understanding.  Believing that all is well and all will be well will free me from worrying and allow me to see the miracle that is this moment in time.  Right here.  Right now.  That is indeed, all that matters. 

Like the old mothers of the church say all the time, "Keep living, baby."  And keep meditating.  "Namaste."

Gimme My Inner Peace

1.  Being centered  

2.  Worrying less.  A lot less.    

3.  Finding the joy in all things…big & small  

4.  Quieting my chattering mind

If I could master or at least practice regularly any of those 4 things?  Hmph!  My life would be absolutely positively without a doubt and most certainly different.  I know Jesus.  I pray.  I surround myself with positive folks.  I read self help books every now and then.  And still I can't quite grasp my hands completely around 1-4.  Because I am yet still on a quest to have a more full life and experience my Core Desired Feelings for 2014, there is work to be done.  *deep cleansing breath*  I am going to practice and grow comfortable with meditation. 

Feeding your soul is a good thing!

Before you clutch your pearls or shake your head in pity, this is not the first time I have considered meditation. The idea has crossed my mind before but it was a short lived effort.  Honestly, I scanned the shelves at Target (pronounced Tar-je') for a video with a cover that looked calming and peaceful, took it home, popped it in the DVR.  I waited for the magic to happen while my poodle, Ziggy sniffed around me as I was sitting quietly trying to get centered, dammit until he finally settled down in my lap.  Wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong!  I grew easily frustrated with how quickly my mind drifted onto trivial things.  "I wonder when that thing I ordered is going to be delivered?"  "Something stinks!"  "Did I pay the cable bill this month?"  Completely random thoughts that left me feeling incompetent and angry with myself for not being able to "settle down" like my mother would say.  I know our minds can wander during our beginning meditation practice but that just seemed ridiculous to me!  Maybe it was my age or even my incompletely thought out motivation for starting the practice of meditation that left me unsatisfied?  Not quite sure but this time feels a bit different.

This time the desire to begin the meditation practice is more grounded in a sense of well being I have been thirsting after this year.  Eight months ago I proclaimed, among other things that I want to feel settled and connected and my work thus far has been pushing me closer to those core desired feelings.  And.  I.  Love.  It.  I can see…and feel…inkling of progress I have made in getting more in touch with how I want to feel in the world and it is leaving me inspired to work towards more growth.  Making the decision to practice meditation fits nicely into my wants for myself and thanks to an invitation from the almighty, Oprah (how the hell does she always seem to know just the thing?) and her pal, Deepak to join their "21 Day Meditation Experience" I am on my way!

This global effort begins Monday, August 11, 2014 and a commitment to the process promises a release of well being to my mind, body and spirit.  At the end of this 21 straight day journey I am looking to have increased my self awareness, be better able to focus on the present, have reduced negative emotions, improved my ability to manage anxiety and having improved my sleeping habits among other things.  Heading into the 2nd half of my time on earth (sorry…that is you, too once you hit 40) finding peace is essential to my quality of life.  

"Just be…"  "Just be…"  "Just be…"  "Just be…"       *deep cleansing breath*

Check the link, register & journey on: https://chopracentermeditation.com

Give Us An Amazing Story to Tell!

About 10 years ago I was one of "those" women.  I watched Sex In The City with Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbes, Samantha Jones and Charlotte York once a week, excited to see what new dating and love adventure the ladies would get into.  As a matter of fact, my best friend forever in the entire world ever gifted me with the Sex In The City pink velvet deluxe boxed set one Christmas *insert scream* and I can watch it whenever I want.  Anyways.  I related most to Carrie and always rooted for her to find someone better for her than that damn, Mr. Big.  As a matter of fact, I think I had my own Mr. Big at the time!  Like most single and never been married women Carrie and I have met and dated a good number of men and have plenty of stories to tell for it.  Whether the connection was long lasting, fleeting or simply a bad fit…women have story after story after story of what it is like to date in current times.  If my experience and that of my girls are any indicator, most women have stories that are lackluster simply because the imagination and effort that once went into dating by men has just about vanished.  

Season 6, episode 13 in 2004 titled, "Let There Be Light" introduced us to Carrie dating that deep Russian artist cat, Aleksandr Petrovsky.  'Member him?  Mmmm hmmm.  He was smooth, that Aleksandr!  Wise.  Gentlemanly.  Mysterious.  Cultured.  Worldly.  Impressive.  Now we all know at this time in the series Carrie's flame for Mr. Big flickered ever so slightly despite him marrying another woman, Carrie being his mistress and tearing herself from him to only become his friend again and eventually marry him after he left her at the altar thoroughly embarrassing her in front of New York society and more importantly…her girls.  That's not the point!  The point here is that though their love affair ended, while they were dating The Russian seemed to know how to create special moments and make Carrie feel absolutely...golden.  What woman doesn't want to feel golden?!?  He knew how to date her and fully immerse himself in the the process and completely enjoy himself.  Dig this:  After their first date The Russian was out of touch for a bit and followed up with a short and simple handwritten note he mailed to Carrie's home that simply asked if she wanted to go for a walk with him.  She was tickled (hell, I was tickled!), gushed a little and easily obliged.  They took a leisurely stroll through Central Park for that date, enjoyed the simplicity of one another's company and "Wa-La!"  She had a fantastic dating story to tell her girls over eggs the next time they all got together.

This kind of thing doesn't have to only happen on television or in the movies.  We can have the same experiences that Carrie and 'nem have, dammit!  With that being said  I would like to take this opportunity to invite single men to creatively and enthusiastically date women of interest.  Hell, while I'm at it let me extend that same invitation to men that are married or otherwise committed!  Men!  Be an active dater.  And no need to fret, dating doesn't have to be costly at all, really.  If it does, that woman is likely not the one for you so save yourself the frustration (but that's another blog).  It's the imagination and effort put into the date that makes all the difference.  Keep it simple.  Listen to what she says and go with that to discover what she likes.  Be unconventional.  Put male ego and pride to the side.  Invite her to join you in an experience.  Borrow from the old school and blend it with the new.  Sit with her for a spell and watch the day pass by.  Grab the chance to gaze at the stars and share stories with her.  Ride a ferris wheel.  Catch a sunset.  Paint her toes.  Cook a meal together.  Take her for a bonfire on the beach and tell her to bring the marshmallows.  *scribbling that one down to whisper to my old man*  The possibilities are endless…

Be that gentlemen most women are waiting to happen upon or rediscover.  Date us.  Enthusiastically.  Creatively.  With all great purpose.  Leaving us with a great story to tell!

A Closed Mouth Don't Get Fed!

When is the last time you actually asked for what you want? 

I mean, REALLY asked for what you want?  Not the easy asks that come and go day to day. "May I have some water?" "Would you mind grabbing such and such for me?"  No.  I am talking about the asks that are much harder and those we typically avoid.  You know, those asks that we should be making of our family, our lovers, our close friends and even our employers.  The asks that the mere thought of asking leave us feeling the most vulnerable and the least powerful.  Those asks that we dance around making and eventually lead us to acting out behaviors that are supposed to signify we are unhappy to the person that should be paying the most attention.  Crazy making...

If you are anything like me it is no easy task to find your voice and clearly ask for what you want and wait for that thing to come to fruition.  It is not easy to be fully prepared to accept whatever response comes your way. And it is certainly not easy to respond accordingly…can't forget that.  It is much easier to dance around what needs to be asked and settle with what we get, having made no real attempt to have what we want.  Just keep quiet instead of mustering the courage to find our voice and make a simple ask for what we want.  But is that truly living? 

If we are to be comfortable asking for what we want it's absolutely critical that we rethink ingrained messaging about what it means to ask for what we want.  That subliminal messaging is all around us if someone isn't outright speaking it to us, right?  Myth:  A woman that asks for what she wants from a man she is dating is needy.  Wrong.  She is clear.  Myth:  A relative that asks another relative for support is weak.  Wrong.  That person is resourceful.  Myth: An employee that asks for what he wants from his employer is audacious. Wrong.  He is driven.  Myth:  A friend that asks another friend to stop discouraging her dreams is being sensitive.  Wrong.  That friend is protecting her dreams and is committed.  Myth:  People will disappoint you anyway so save yourself the upset and keep quiet.  Wrong.  The right people will meet you at the point of your need and show up for you if given the chance.  

With all that mess out of the way we can actually imagine practicing asking for what we want.  Here we go:

1.  Get clear…crystal clear…about what you want specifically 

2.  Make your ask of the person at a time and in an environment 

conducive to a serious discussion

3.  Be prepared for whatever response or reaction you get after your ask

4.  Make the necessary adjustment after the response since this 

will be necessary either way

5.  Ask again the next time a need presents itself

Like most of us, there is something in your life you want and are not getting because you haven't asked for it.  And that's not fully living.  It is empowering and liberating when we are honest with ourselves around our needs and wants. When others watch us practicing having what we want some will be inspired and others will feel threatened.  That's fine and no worry of ours.  We do not need permission to have what we want and that's what makes this absolutely doable.  Ya dig?  So!  Let's get to it, good people. What should you be asking for? Like your Mama, Big Mama, Mah Dear, MeMaw and Auntie always say, "A closed mouth don't get fed!" Get.  To. Asking.  

"Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!"  ~Maya Angelou

It's Been A Minute...

Naps with chimes on the balcony…happy!

Shame.  On.  Me!  *hangs head & slumps shoulders*  In January I had this amazing vision to begin a blog about my thoughts…nothing grand and unordinarily special...and I was on a roll, baby!  For about 3 months.  And then I hit a wall.  *s c r e e c h*  My enthusiasm and energy for putting my thoughts into written form just faded from me.  What the hell?!?  I stopped looking for pretty pictures to add to my blogs.  That's the fun part!  Can't tell you the last time I added a quick note to my iPhone to inspire a blog later.  I just could not figure it out but something was definitely missing.  I was not inspired.  Until a little over 100 days ago.

Sunday morning ritual…happy!

My last blog entry at the end of April discussed how I stumbled upon this really fascinating idea floating around Facebook or some other social networking site I frequent.  The idea was to take the next 100 days in your life to find something that made you happy every day for 100 days, take a picture of that something, state the reason why that something made you happy and post it to Facebook or Instagram with the hashtag #becauseimhappy.  

There was just one thing, though.  According to the folks that made this challenge, 71% of the people that attempted the 100 Days of Happy thus far failed to complete the challenge for one simple reason.  They simply did not have time.  To be happy. To stop and acknowledge a little bit of happy in their hectic lives every day for 100 days.  I was up for the challenge though and decided to dive in.  Both feet firmly planted in the notion that every single day there is something to be happy about.  Even in my darkest hour.  

Working with my hands…happy!

Well!  I am happy to say while I was away from this here blog…that so excited me at the start of the year…I was sortofkindawemightaswellsayIwas blogging in another way.  I shared this experience with a few special women on Facebook and am happy to say I am among the 30% of people that took and completed the 100 Days of Happy Challenge.  I even took it a step further and posted my happy for 100 days on Instagram for any and everyone to see.  *side note…type #becauseimhappy on Instagram and you just might run across 1 of my 100 happy posts.  I pushed through those 100 days and here is a little of what I learned about little old me:

Farmers Market loot…happy!

• Seeking happy every single day broadens your perspective of what makes you happy
• Rituals make me happy 
• Unexpected bargains make me happy…WINNING! 
• Watching black men love on their children makes me happy  
• Being brave makes me happy  
• Traveling makes me happy  
• Working with my hands makes me happy 
• Small happies are often the biggest happies 
• Making & keeping a home for people I love makes me happy  
• Taking time for myself makes me happy  
• Watching children play makes me happy 
• It's necessary to squint to see happy when it seems like it's hiding from you & you must keep squinting until you see it  
• Witnessing people be free makes me happy  
• Trying something new for the first time makes me happy  
• Reconnecting with long lost friends & supports makes me happy  

Traveling…happy!

Developing a new habit takes time, especially when you are a grown ass woman.  And effort.  And attention.  But if we stay focused on the task at hand and enjoy the journey along the way, we are better for it.  I'm better for it because now I am able to notice those small happies every single day with very little effort.  Not the typical happies with your man, your money or your food.  I am talking about small happies that offer perspective and leave you marveling that you never noticed such a thing before.  Yep!  That kind of happy.  It's been wonderful for my spirit and certainly has helped decrease the level of stress that easily washes over me day in and day out.  Absolutely positively without a doubt and with great certainty worth the effort.  For 100 days straight.  Get your happy and keep it!  I most certainly will.  #becauseimhappy  

Can you make time for 100 Days of Happy?  
Whenever you are ready...   

100 Days of Happy

I would like to think I am a happy person more often than not.  I think. Like anyone else I certainly have days that are darker than others, fits of anger and frustration.  But overall, I would like to think I am happy and I know the reasons why.  For the most part.  That is until I stumbled upon this idea floating around Facebook or some other social networking site I frequent.  The idea was to take the next 100 days in your life to find something that made you happy in that day, take a picture of that something, state the reason why that something made you happy and post it to Facebook or Instagram with the hashtag #becauseimhappy.  

Hmmm.  100 days?  Like 10 times 10 days?  In a row, no less?!?  Like damn near 4 months of finding something happy in my day, take a picture of that thing, explain it and post it on Facebook or Instagram?  After I got over the sheer number of days I actually felt inspired to try it.  And got brave enough to ask some women in a Facebook group I am in to join me. I fully expected folks wouldn't be interested at all and it would just be me and a few of my "Ride or Dies" but I was so wrong!  A good number of the women agreed to join me and we have been at this 100 Days of Happy thing since April 1st!

Go get you some!

The idea behind this amazing challenge is that in the day to day of life we miss all the small, wonderful, awe inspiring moments that can add to our happy. Because our lives are full and things happen way quicker than they ever have, it can be dizzying just making it from one moment to the next.  This breakneck speed pace we all participate in at one point or another actually decreases the time we make to appreciate the moment and the journey that is our lives.  The makers of this challenge suggest our ability to appreciate the moment in the environment we find ourselves in day to day is the bases for our ability to enjoy lifelong, longstanding happiness.  Makes sense to me! 

I am 30 days into completing this worthy challenge with some interesting women joining me on the journey.  Amongst all of us we have found happy in family, love, food, comforts of home, new experiences, self reflections, wonders of nature, fashion, hair, BIG moments and small moments.  And even still some of us have been challenged to find happy when our lives are a bit off center and goodness seems really far away.  No worries, though!  We consistently encourage one another when we get stuck and remind each other that:

Being happy…finding happy...is a conscious choice.

The BIG happy is the easiest to spot.  It's finding the subtle happy that takes real effort.

If we squint really hard we can see happy even when life has us pinned against the wall, tired and just one.  That's when we need to spot the happy the most!  When it is the hardest to find...

Simple happy can be the best happy.  It doesn't have to be complicated.  

When it's our task every day to find happy it can change our perspectives in a powerful way.  That can be life changing!

According to the folks that made this challenge, 71% of folks that attempted the 100 Days of Happy thus far failed to complete the challenge stating what?  They simply did not have time.  To be happy. To stop and acknowledge a little bit of happy in their hectic lives ever day for 100 days.  Really?!?  We can find ample time to get beyond pissed, to seethe with frustration, to wallow in sadness.  Well, I am going to prove these folks wrong and seek my happy for the next 70 days.  And you?  There are still a few hundred days left in 2014…you game?  Got get you some happy!  

Thank You So Much!

I am always on the look out for just the right one and I know it when I see it.  I am never too anxious or in a rush to just grab any old one.  Oh, no!  This process takes time. I will look again and again and again until I have that, "Ooooo!  This is perfect!" moment. Then I sashay right on up to the cash register, gently place it down on the counter and wait for the store clerk to wrap it in some pretty tissue paper and hand it to me in a cute little bag.  Don't you love those cute little bags?  And off I go home to do a good thing and send someone the "Thank You!" note or card I took the time to find.  Using the good old United States Postal Service because those men and women have to eat, too!

The habit of writing and sending a, "Thank You!" card to someone seems all but long gone these days.  Just think about it.  When was the last time you opened your mailbox and pulled out such a card addressed to you and written expressly for you?  Not never. Well, maybe at some point but it's probably been a while.  Better yet, when is the last time you hand selected that special card or wrote a personal note for that special person that did that special thing for you that made you feel some type of way?  Not never. Well, maybe at some point but if you are like most of us that's probably been a while, too. Instead we seem to settle for a text to acknowledge someone being sweet to us.  We even allow our children to do the same!  Its quick, easy and seems to get the job done.  Or does it?

I am on a one woman campaign to revive the art of the "Thank You!" card or note.  I want to bring back the tradition of taking time out of our day to sit, gather our thoughts, put them down on paper and find a mailbox to send it miles away.  Tuck one in your child's lunch for being helpful at home.  Stash one in your lover's gym bag to tell them how much you appreciate them.  We women folk dig when men give us written expressions of their feelings AND sign their names to said written expressions instead of scribbling, "me."  You ain't slick, buddy!  Send one to your parents for making you who you are today.  Drop one in your girlfriend's mailbox for listening to you vent well into the night about one thing or another.  Leave one on your boss's desk for supporting your idea.  Share one with your staff for being valuable team members.  The possibilities are endless!  I know how my day is brightened when I open a handwritten note just for me and I am happy to give that same feeling to someone else.  It doesn't have to be a chore, either with a few simple steps to bring back the old school way of showing our appreciation:

1.  Get You Some "Thank You!" Cards:  no need to pay a lot of money at some fancy card store like, Papyrus (...although I love their cards & splurge every now & then…why aren't they on that RetailMeNot app, anyways?) when you can find the exact same thing at Marshall's, Ross, TJMaxx or even HomeGoods (my personal favorite!).  Keep a supply nearby to develop the habit of sending them and don't forget to purchase good old stamps when you buy groceries next time.

2.  Find A Writing Pen:  a good "Thank You!" card must be written using a nice writing utensil.  I mean, anything less would be uncivilized.  A pen that writes smooth and easy and is rich in color is perfect for the task.  Just make sure folks can read your handwriting.  I have been told many times that my delicate, swirly and fancy handwriting is too damn hard to read.  But it's so pretty...

3.  Express Yourself Sincerely:  people appreciate reading how you feel or think in your own handwriting.  A smile easily creeps across their face when they realize you took the time to put your thoughts to paper because they made you feel some type of way.  You don't have to write a novel, either so no worries there.  Short and simple does the trick nicely and if you are really brave a bit of sentimentality will feel good to the person you are sending the card to.  "It was a good thing you did for me!  Thank you for thinking of me.  I don't know what I would have done without you…" that kind of stuff.  A sentimental quote or even a bible verse is a nice way to end a note if you're feeling fancy.

4.  Send It & Forget About It:  it's just tacky to send someone a "Thank You!" card and then you sit at home counting the days until they call or text or email you saying what? "Thank you!"  Send it because you really want that person to know you dig how they added to your life and do not keep score.  That's petty and silly and defeats the purpose.  Who knows?  They may pay it forward and follow steps 1 through 3 and make someone else's day?

This act of appreciation does not have to be a thing of the past.  Sure, technology has made a lot of things easier and simpler and more convenient in our lives and that is not always a good thing.  Do something good today and send someone a "Thank You!" card.  Your mother, mommy, mama, auntie, big mama, granny, grandmother, nana or muh dear will be so proud of you!