Choose Me!

"Love & War Tuesdays"

Tuesday's blog is reserved for discussions about acknowledging our desire for love, positioning ourselves for love to find us, risking vulnerability to nurture and maintain love and surviving love lost to find the strength to love again.

Choose (verb):  To select from a number of possible alternatives; decide on and pick out.  

*ding ding ding ding ding*  That is all women ultimately want from men.  When all the gamesmanship and drama are cleared out of the way on our journeys to having what we want in love and relationship, we simply want men to choose.  In the fullest sense of the word, too.  I cram to understand what the challenge is for men (and not all men, of course but 99.999% of men) around being conscious with their choices?  If we could get the act of choosing right, I have a feeling just that practice would help make the dating and relationship process happen more smoothly. 

So!  We can state the obvious choice a woman wants a man to make when dating and that is to choose to be with her and only her.  Remember the Grey's Anatomy episode where Meredith finally got brave enough to go to McHottie and tell him, 

"Your choice, it's simple, her or me.  And I'm sure she's really great.  But Derek, I love you.  In a really, big really big pretend to like your taste in music  let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your bedroom window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you…love. you.  So pick me.  Choose me.  Love me." 

I remember being curled up on the couch with my blanket watching that scene unfold and hoping so much that he would give her what she wanted.  Not because she wanted but because he wanted it, too.  I rooted for their love affair for many seasons and cursed her countless times for getting in her own damn way.  I digress...   

But even after a man has chosen to commit to a woman, he still has to choose as the relationship progresses.  How many of us have been involved with a man and wondered, "Why would he do something like that?" or with great annoyance say, "He obviously was not thinking about me when he decided to do…"  That is what I am talking about!  Whether we are dating, in committed relationships or sitting on the sidelines thinking of our next play before we get back in the game again, I believe for the most part women want men to:    

1.  Choose to be honest with us!  It is not for you to decide whether or not we can handle the truth.  And even if you think we do not want to hear the truth, be truthful anyways.  We may not like it at the time but we will appreciate it in the long run.

Let the church say, "Amen!"

2.  Choose to love us in the way we want to be loved.  Side note:  if that man cannot love us in the way we want to be loved, we have a decision to make, women. 
3.  Choose to deny others in favor of us every now and then.  Not all the time but some time. 
4.  Choose to commit to us or make it clear you have no intentions of doing so.  And.  And.  And!  Then leave us be since you damn well know if we love you, we may very well take whatever you offer us.  And that is just bad for both of us. 
5.  Choose to stay engaged with us when disagreements arise, even when you want to check out.  Or at least tell us to give you some space and we can discuss things later.  But don't forget about the later because we certainly will not!  *side eye*
6.  Choose to think about how what you say or do will impact us.  Remember the old saying, "Treat people the way you want to be treated?"  That is a good place to start.
7.  Choose to meet us at the point of our needs without our having to ask.   A man that can do that right there is H O T and very much appreciated.  
8.  Choose to be consistent.  None of that wishy-washy stuff.  Ain't nobody got time for that!    

Underneath it all, women and men simply want to be chosen.  And there is nothing wrong with that at all.  As a matter of fact, I welcome any suggestions from men about what men want women to choose when it comes to them!  And before any of us women begin furiously typing away with our neatly manicured fingers to answer that question for men, S T O P!  The question is for the MEN, should they CHOOSE to answer it. #whereisthejeopardymusicwhenyouneedit?