Chemistry vs. Compatibility

"Love & War Tuesdays"

Tuesday's blog is reserved for discussions about acknowledging our desire for love, positioning ourselves for love to find us, risking vulnerability to nurture and maintain love and surviving love lost to find the strength to love again.

Boy sees girl.  Girl notices boy.  Boy approaches girl. Girl gives boy her number. Girl flirts with boy over text(which I hate but that's another post).  Boy flirts back with girl over text.  Boy and girl go on a date & are incredibly attracted to each other.  Like, really attracted!  Boy and girl act on that attraction and the experience is unreal, amazing, mind blowing, breath taking, fanning one's self kind of good!  *wink, wink*  Every single time it's fanning one's self kind of good. THAT kind of good!  

Girl catches feelings for boy.  Boy seems to be reciprocating those feelings for girl.  I mean, he couldn't possibly be having the same kind of experience with someone else. No way!  Boy and girl can't get enough of each other and sorta kinda maybe without saying it become exclusive (…it must be said…).  Well, that is what she thinks.  Hence the beginning of an amazing love affair & solid committed relationship.  Right?  The chemistry is incredible and boy and girl get along.  Until they don't.

Be compatible!

We all grown, right?  And grown folks know that grown folks at some point desire a satisfying and unbelievable sex life with someone that can match their desires.  I mean, who doesn't want their toes to curl, their hair to sweat out, their sheets to get soaked after all of that unbridled passion comes spilling out?  And there is nothing wrong with that at all.  The question is, "Is that enough?"  Is sexual chemistry enough?    

In the heat of the moment it is easy to mistake sexual chemistry for compatibility.  That chemistry is the kind of connection we feel towards the other person that is most intense when you are doing what grown folks do.  But when the lights come on, the candles are blown out and the music stops it becomes painfully clear that something is missing.  Compatibility!  

In no way am I saying we should sacrifice chemistry for a mature love and settle into a relationship that lacks passion and satisfaction. I ain't crazy!  Instead I am suggesting we get very clear with the difference between chemistry and compatibility.  We should seek to grow passion AND connection AND interests outside of the lust that comes much easier and much earlier.  Nurture the kind of compatibility that sustains a relationship over time when the stressors of life threaten to erode your love affair and the physicality of your connection is not enough.  Seek the kind of compatibility that finds you complimenting one another around the more substantial aspects of life including finances, children, family, religion and spirituality.

As we mature in life the quality of intimacy with the ones we desire and choose to love should improve greatly. Yes?  With that growth comes a more well rounded understanding of what will sustain a mature love affair over time.  Depending upon a vibrant sex life to carry our relationships over time is risky.  Broadening our view of intimacy to include real compatibility outside of physical chemistry is a good bet.  Be compatible!