Get Yourself Together!

I am one of those people that has to get to the "why" of things.  I wouldn't be surprised if my first word as a baby was, "Why?" as I tottered around the living room putting everything within reach in my mouth.  That curiosity has stayed with me even to this day with all the questions swimming around in my mind most times.  Why did that happen?  Why did he say that?  Why did she do that?  Why am I feeling crappy?  Why are they acting that way?  Why?  Why?  Why?  Underneath it all I am just trying to get an understanding.  In my mind, if I know the WHY of something I can better accept what it is and basically get myself together.  No more guessing when that happens and when it's clear that means no excuses for me.

In my mid 20's that nagging to understand the "why" bubbled over for me.  I was struggling in a friendship with a dear girlfriend that I absolutely adored.  I was in awe of how brave she was in the world and there was something eerily familiar to me about her, you know?  Everything she said or did not say to me, did or did not do with me was such a BIG deal.  I found myself super sensitive when it came to her with me and that created this thick  tension between us.  And I could not understand why for the life of me!  Well, one day when she reached her boiling point with my super sensitive self and she looked me directly in my eyes and said, "Girl, you need to get you some therapy because I am NOT your mother!"  You must be thinking, "Uh.  No.  She.  Did.  Not!", which is exactly what I thought!  

In between the crocodile tears that were streaming down my face, I could not help but admit she was right.  A few days later I begrudgingly made my way to a therapist's office for the first time in my life.  I sat down anxious to begin and before I could utter a word I started to weep.  Like really really really weep.  I don't think I said much that first session except to admit out loud how sad I was and had been for a long time and that I was tired.  I was exhausted and spent from walking through life pretending I was fine knowing good and damn well I was not.  And yep, I was ready to understand why!

Sit for spell and chat...

Damn near 20 years later I am still engaged in therapy with an amazing clinician that has helped me get to my why.  Since I have chosen to invest in my mental health (and it is an investment 'cuz it ain't cheap, baby!) I have faced hard truths, revisited painful memories, surrendered control in certain areas, gained incredible insight, changed my story and got my "happy" back.  That 50 minutes of time I take out of my life twice a month has saved me from myself on more than one occasion.  Even when I think there is nothing to talk about because my life is in a much better place, once I sit in that comfy chair the words come and I leave feeling lighter, less stressed and ready for whatever awaits me.  

But I do wonder why more of us…black folks, specifically…do not invest in our mental health.  The day to day experiences of an average black person in this here country are enough to push any of us towards therapy.  And I am not even including the drama in our families and romantic lives.  And before you rattle off all the reasons why therapy ain't for you and anyone that goes is not praying hard enough (…uh, Jesus made therapists, too thank you very much!), dig a few reasons why therapy can improve the quality of our lives...in no particular order:  

Reason #1:  Therapy pulls down the veil on a resource many black folks elate to being weak.  The more of us that explore this resource the less stigmatized it is. 

Reason #2:  Therapy can extend our lives.  Literally.  It reduces stress which can contribute to lower blood pressure and less cardiac problems.

Reason #3:  Therapy helps grow personal insight and when you have insight you can't help but practice it regularly.  Before you know it all those ridiculous choices you've been making will decrease one by one and your behaviors will begin to change.  

Reason #4:  If you are a believer (which I absolutely am), therapy adds a 'lil something to what God is already doing in our lives.  God helps those that help themselves, right?  Go to therapy!

Reason #5:  Therapy bridges the communication gap between black men and black women.  If we could just talk to one another and hear one another...

Reason #6:  Therapy fosters a skill set that is transferable in various aspects of our lives from work to friendships to school to love affairs to parenting and marriage!

Reason #7:  Therapy helps us see patterns and pathology in our backgrounds that can help us avoid repeating what has kept our families bound generation after generation.

Reason #8:  Therapy forces us to call a thing a thing.  There's liberation in that!

Reason #9:  Therapy gives our friends and family a respite from our drama and sad sob stories.  Bless their hearts!

Reason #10:  Women dig cats that are in touch with their emotions and know how to communicate.  A little time in the chair might could probably maybe will get you plenty of action, fellas!

We have nothing to lose and everything to gain by opening our minds (and wallets) to some time in the chair.  When we have a physical ailment we go to the doctor to see just what is the matter, yes?  Why not extend that attention to our mental health?  Therapy saved me from myself and I highly recommend it!  Could you benefit from some time in the chair?  #sheisdoingherwork  #gettingoutofmyownway  #holdingtighttomyhappy  #youcanttellmenothin