Can I Get A Reference, Please?

"Love & War Tuesdays"

Tuesday's blog is reserved for discussions about acknowledging our desire for love, positioning ourselves for love to find us, risking vulnerability to nurture and maintain love and surviving love lost to find the strength to love again.

"Congratulations!  You've got the job!"  We keep our phone near us waiting for that call when we are searching for a job.  I mean, everything we have done up to that moment is in preparation for that call if we are serious about getting the job that's right for us.  Refreshing our resumes to keep up with today's hottest template.  Making our way to the mall to find a suit that communicates the right message to the potential employer.  Pondering interview questions and practicing with friends the most appropriate response to each.  Speaking of which…how should we answer the question that asks what our weaknesses are, anyways?  I digress.  Researching the company we are interviewing with so we can appeal directly to their interests.  Taking care to arrive early for the interview so as not to be a minute late.  Being mindful to answer every question fully and look directly in the eyes of every person on the panel.  Clearly communicating our strengths and why we are the best person for the job.  Sending a follow up correspondence to the potential employer that thanks them for the opportunity and further communicates our sincere desire to join their team.  It's all a part of the process to get the job we want.

Once we are on the job we do our best to perform to the company's standards and even beat their expectations.  We report to work on time, early even!  We do more than what is asked of us.  We are dependable.  We clearly communicate on the job.  We assist other team members without their having to ask.  We take the initiative.  We practice being creative.  We do our part to grow the company.  We take feedback and apply what we have learned.  We advance through the ranks.  We work with integrity.  And when it is time for us to move on to the next exciting job opportunity we ask for a reference that highlights our commitment to the company, which they happily give because we were that commendable of an employee.  Job well done!

I wonder what would happen if we approached love relationships in the same way we do employment?  What if we practiced being our best self in preparation to be in a relationship with someone that is a good fit for us?  In the same way we prepare for a new job.  What if we made it a point to be grown up and talk our way through relationships?  In the same way we communicate in leadership positions on our jobs?  What if we thought of our future in advance and proceeded accordingly with someone in relationship?  In the same way we plan to promote on our jobs?  What if we practiced leaving relationships gracefully instead of creating drama to escape a love affair or simply fading away into the background?  In the same way we transition from one job to the next.    

So, here's the question:

Would the last few persons you dated and/or had a relationship with offer you a glowing reference or would they politely acknowledge they dated you but would not date you again?     

I would like to think the last few persons I dated would give me a recommendation, if I asked.  And we are starting there because those cats got the better, new and improved Faith Margaret than the struggling Faith Margaret of the distant past.  Not quite sure it would be glowing and all but I would like to think if asked they would admit to considering dating me again.  A few highlights might read:

QUALIFICATIONS

• Effective communicator though can be a bit wordy, lengthy, verbose
• Dependable, to a fault at times
• Takes feedback & actually seeks it out.  Give often to assure satisfaction & retention
• Helpful to others but needs reminders to help self first
• Hard working and attentive to details

I am doing my work to improve my qualifications that make me a good candidate for a relationship.  Some training here, a bit more there, some transfer of learning exercises and I should get a glowing reference going forward just in case I have to ask someone I have dated, "Can I get a reference, please?"