We Must Say, "Goodbye…"

"Have mercy, Jesus!"  That's the first thing that came out of mouth when one of my staff burst through the door one late afternoon at work and told me that another one of my staff just collapsed in his office.    My boss and I rushed down 2 flights of stairs to see what was happening and there he was lying on the floor behind his desk absolutely helpless and fading, fast.  In that moment, it felt as if time had slowed down the way it does in the movies.  It was eerily quiet despite 30 plus staff witnessing the activity while we tried our best to save this man's life.  There was no screaming, no wailing, just 3 determined people following the directions of the paramedic on the phone to pump his heart for him until help arrived.  Some of us called his name and offered words of comfort hoping he would know we were all with him.  Others of us froze with fear overwhelming us while tears flooded our eyes.  I whispered prayers for his soul while we went through the steps of CPR until the real heroes came through the door and did what they are trained to do.  As the doors of the elevator closed with the paramedics breathing for him with a machine pumping his heart strapped to his chest one of them said, "Good job today!  You all saved his life."

For about 3 weeks this man lingered in a coma induced state with machines breathing for him while doctors ran test after test to find an explanation for his medical crisis.  Doctors ruled out all types of medical conditions and finally settled with his heart suddenly had a serious malfunction that rendered him helpless and caused him to collapse instantly.  Most people do not survive this type of medical emergency after they collapse according to the doctors and yet he was still with us.  We all hoped for the best…prayed for the best…but ultimately were faced with the reality that though he survived the initial trauma, he suffered severe brain damage.  His doctors advised when he awoke he would exist in a completely dependent state for the rest of his natural life with very little brain functioning.  And when he woke the doctor's prognosis was proven true.

His wife was gracious enough to offer me the opportunity to see him one more time before they allowed nature to take it's course and bring upon his death.  I sat alone with him in his hospital room very much afraid with the random beeps of the machines and stillness of him lying in the bed.  I have never been comfortable with death and have experienced very little death in my adult life.  After some time, I mustered enough strength to just talk to him.  I told him how much everyone cares for him at work.  I told him how much I value him in my life.  I told him I wanted him to rest peacefully and see God's glory shining brightly upon his face.   I told him, "Goodbye."     I kissed him on his forehead and left him resting knowing that would be the last time I would see him among the land of the living.  Two days later, just about 3 weeks after he collapsed at work...he surrendered his brave fight and his spirit ascended to Heaven.

Throughout this process I was overwhelmed with a heaviness and sadness I have never experienced before.  The only thing I knew to do to help me through my grief was to help his family.  To be of service to them was my my way of showing my gratitude for who he was in my life, you know?  I needed to help his family with resolving his work affairs.  I needed to help his family with understanding what I witnessed the day he collapsed.  I needed to help his family know how much he loved them based on what he shared with me at work.  I needed to help his wife push through days that threatened to take her under.  In all of this helping I was reminded of a few things that are important to remember when we are put in position to comfort someone that has suffered the loss of someone they love:

1.  When I did not know what to do in my desire to want to comfort his family, the best thing I could do was just be present.  A call, a text, an email or even simply sitting with someone that is grieving and saying nothing can be a great comfort.

2.  It's not about me so I resisted any attempt to tell them I knew what they are going through because I went through the same thing at some point.  I could not have possibly understood what they were going through since their entire life's story with him was coursing through their grief.

3.  When I asked if they needed anything and they said they did not, I did something anyways.  Most times loved ones are just trying to catch their next breath and they really don't know what they need.  Whatever we offer now will come in handy later, so bring or give something.

4.  Death is a major event and not once did I ever say to his family,  "You are going to be fine." or "It's alright."  The truth is they may not be fine...for a very long time.  And THAT is perfectly fine.

5.  Though it was important to me in my grieving process to make sense of my staff's death, I did not offer that suggestion to his family.  That is for them to come to terms with, when they are ready, if they are every ready.

We celebrated his life today and a sea of well wishers surrounded his family on every side.  It was awesome to see how many people were touched by this man and wanted to honor his memory with laughter, stories, tears and plenty of libations!  It's my prayer that today is just what was needed for his family to move forward in their new normal.  And that they find the courage to continuing living, loving, reaching and achieving which is exactly what he would have wanted them to do.  That man lived a good life!  A full life.  And my life is better because he walked a few miles with me along my journey.  Rest easy, good man.  Rest easy...